The Panic Order

You whisper “plain with butter” and instantly regret it. A hush falls over the restaurant. The cashier gives you a pity smile.

Behind you, a UVA student in Patagonia fleece mutters, “rookie.”

A local in line sighs and says, “People like you are why they don’t toast anymore.”

Someone snaps a photo and posts it to r/Charlottesville: “Spotted: Bagel tourist at Bodo’s.”

You slink away with your shame-bagel.

Try Again?